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sometimes i just want to shake you.
to shakeshakeshake you like the sky shakes out rain.
mostly because you forget -
you forget how the trees whisper at midnight,
and how to paint with the smell of blackberries,
and how red playground paint looks silver in darkness and moonlight,
silver like your eyes, like wet quarters.
you forget the beating of my (your) heart
and the smell of rain and cocaine.

i ask you, don’t you remember? don’t you?
your mouth just twists into your soft, round smile and breathes out no’s,
negatives, and paradoxes.
so i scratch notes into your tree, your trashcan, your stairs,
and the bottom of your pool.
i left a piece of glass in your spaceship and
i tie curtains all over the windows of your sunroom
asking, don’t you remember? and telling you, i remember.

i remember laughing and hunting through brambles
to find the right paint to throw at you
and running through parking garages to hide from the wires in your speakers
and sneaking through glass doors, praying no one heard us
so we could steal a little time from forever.
i remember loving you and our hands never letting go
and our eyes locking and the moon dancing.
i remember the day we were going through all you owned
and throwing away half of everything and
then packing the other half into boxes or suitcases
but the one thing i forgot to pack for you was your heart
because i wanted to keep it with me forever, but i think
somehow it got thrown away too cause i never saw it again
after that day.

i tell you i remember, i tell you that you said you loved me,
and you just stare at me like i’m a girl made of glass
and you can see right past me and you tell me no.
you don’t remember, no, i’m lying. i must be imagining things.
you didn’t love me.
you did.
but you must have forgotten to remember.

and this is why i want to shakeshakeshake you.
because you traded my silver moonlight and playground
paint for cheap imitation fireflies strung through trees on PCP.
you hammered my heart into little pieces and pawned them
off to buy a plastic ring for your sickandtwisted little barbie doll.
and now you hate the smell and taste of blackberries
so you’ve started filling your mouth and nose with mud and sweat
because you like that better.
you don’t breathe anymore, you’ve developed gills that turn air into water
and your lies into your truth and i’m starting to think that maybe you’re right…
you never did love me.